I remember growing up and not having a care in the world. I never had to worry nor think about who I had to be in a relationship or if it would fail.
Nowadays, my life is different and I’m no longer a small child. I make my own decisions and choices regarding my love life. I do not depend on what my parents showed me while I was growing up. I decide what type of relationship I want, how I want to be treated and who I choose to take this life’s journey with. As I’m sure you do as well.
Due to you making your own choices and showing up as your authentic self in your relationship, going the distance or not is also dependent on your own choices as well. There are ways to prevent your relationship from failing but keep in mind nothing is full proof. There are always two people in a relationship and both of their choices will determine if the relationship thrives or fails.
Here are several ways to stop your relationship from failing, if you both are in it together:
- NEVER STOP DATING.
Dating is one of those things that seems super simple or that it does not make that big of a difference in the outcome of the relationship but trust me, it does. Dating your partner let’s him or her know that you are still interested in them. It’s also, usually, the time you two can be intentional about catching up on one another’s life. I’ve experienced getting busy and forgetting to check in with my husband. We all have done this at some point as life gets busy. Or am I alone? Have you done this as well? Dating let’s you two experience new memories together and even gives you both something to look forward to after a long week.
- CONTINUE TO DO THE THINGS YOU DID TO GET HIM/HER.
Don’t get so caught up in your relationship that you stop doing the things that made you you. Keep up with your hobbies and outside friendships. Many people, once they enter a relationship, either forget about or throw their hobbies, friends and family to the side as they are building a romantic relationship with this new person. This is great but it can also have negative results, such as your partner feeling as though they have to entertain you or be your everything or even be your entire source of happiness. This can be a lot of pressure for one person to handle.
- NEVER LET YOUR EGO TAKE OVER.
Your relationship is surely to fail if one or both of you have a huge ego. E.G.O. according to Les Brown means edging God out. Anytime your ego gets involved you are thinking more about Your needs and Your wants. You disregard any thoughts of what your partner needs or wants. This can be very destructive to the relationship. Each time this happens, you are placing your ego before your partner’s wants and needs. This starts to take away from the love, the appreciation and the respect. Your ego starts to insert all the negative things that you can think of such as, disrespect, hatred and resentment.
- NEVER STOP LAUGHING.
I love laughing! Laughter helps to increase your mood. It turns your frown upside down into a beautiful smile. Laughter shows your pearly whites. Laughter creates an environment where others want to be around you including your spouse. Laughter changes your thought process and it even lightens the mood whenever you two are having an argument. Laughter can take you out of a depressive state. Laughter is one of the keys to keeping your relationship and love life intact. Laughter is a way to connect with your spouse on a deeper level. Laughter is one of those key elements I hear couples, who have been married for a long time, say is an essential ingredient within their relationship. They also mention that life is hard enough and laughter can ease everything.
- NEVER LEAVE GOD OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Leaving God or a higher power out of your relationship is just like saying I am the most powerful and I can make anything happen, no matter what. Although it’s great to have this attitude, God can and will help you through every situation. It does not matter the day, the time nor the hour, God will be there. You can change your relationship completely around just by praying and asking God to guide your path, help you say the right words in your time of need and/or when you are tired and ready to throw in the towel. God can change your relationship from unstable, disrespectful and as if the world is about to fall in on you to you feeling loved, heard, understood and cherished. The key here is to allow God to speak to you and you to hear his voice. This only happens when you get still and quiet.
Ever wonder why some people are always busy ‘trying’ things instead of flourishing? It’s because they have yet to be steered into the direction he should go. Instead of trying to do it all by yourself why don’t you ask God to help you out? Ask him to bless your marriage or relationship. Ask him to help you to discern and choose the way to go. Ask him to bless your husband or wife. Ask him to help you with the words and tone of voice that you use while speaking to your spouse. Ask him to bless any area in your marriage that you know is not working. For example, maybe you two fight dirty. You’re tired of fighting dirty and the only thing you want to do is to be able to hold an intelligent mature conversation where you talk about the problem as well as discuss the solutions. Pray to God and ask him to help you to keep your cool, to guide your words, and to keep your attitude under control. How much different would that conversation be if you asked for the help in advance? Ask for God‘s help and you will receive it! You have the power to turn your entire relationship around and to stop it from failing! The choice is yours. The power is yours.
If you need further assistance to ensure your relationship doesn’t fail, check out my journal UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE DEEPER. In this journal you and your spouse answer in-depth questions, discuss the answers and get to know one another on a much deeper level. After you two finish this journal by answering one question daily, you two will appreciate one another even more, see one another through new eyes and feel more connected than ever before. Check it out here: https://amzn.to/3gkrWuY
If you want to go even deeper into yourself or into your relationship send me an email at marshaun@marshaunolaniyan.com.
All the Best!
Marshaun Olaniyan
Life & Relationship Strategist