Hey family! Marshaun Olaniyan here, your favorite Life and Relationship Strategist. I help women that are married or in long-term relationships stop feeling disconnected and unloved to feeling heard and understood all while creating the intimacy she deserves.
I want to talk about something that I hear couples complaining a lot about, the passion in their relationship and how it was once there but not anymore. They believe the fire has almost burnt out. I want to talk about how to keep the passion burning hot in your relationship. I am going to give you three tips. This is something that we all want. We all want the passion to keep burning. We really want the honeymoon stage to last forever, even though research has shown that this honeymoon stage absolutely fades away anywhere between 3 months to 3 years. It is different for each couple but it rings true that at some point this honeymoon stage will be over. Armed with this knowledge you can reverse the effects and keep the passion in your relationship.
The first way to keep the fire burning hot is for you and your spouse to continuously create fun moments for and with one another. Create fun moments where you guys are laughing and joking. It is the new experiences, the old experiences and continuously doing the things you know will bring a smile to your spouse’s face that keeps the passion burning hot. These will be the moments you two will look back on and say, “Do you remember when X happened?” You will even pass along stories like these to your children, your grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. They can learn how you kept the passion burning hot in your relationship and in your marriage and be able to take the same tools and use them for themselves.
Have you seen the more seasoned couples throughout your day still holding hands? They are walking in the park. You can see them being playful with each other. Some are still displaying PDA, public displays of affection. This is so beautiful and cute to me. Would you like to be a part of that small group as well? One reason why these couples are able to have PDA is because they keep it fun with one another no matter their age. Yes, life gets in the way and we all get bogged down with things, but you have to be intentional about creating the things you want in your relationship, specifically, today. You both have to be intentional about creating the passion and continuously create fun moments.
You really want to create as many beautiful moments as you can. The moments where you both are happy; where you both are having fun experiencing that thing. For example, this could be exploring your city and doing something new. This could mean exploring and doing old things you know you had fun doing, but you have not done them in a while. Revisit those things and do them once again.
The second thing that you want to do in order to keep the passion hot in your relationship and in your marriage is to continuously touch each other. Sex is a part of this touching but it is not the only thing you want to pay attention to and do. You do not want to be selfish and only touch your partner when it is time to have sex or only when you are in the mood. You want to continuously touch your partner, especially if this is your spouse’s love language. Even if it is not, physical touch is a way for your spouse to feel connected to you literally and figuratively, but also for them to know that you want them in that way. Again, the sexual way, but still just the hugging, the kissing, the deep kisses, the cuddling or the massages.
Touching can actually be in the form of a text. It can be in the form of FaceTime or Skype. This helps your spouse know that you are still on his mind. If you cannot do this, then you still want to be able to stay connected by touching them in some way, maybe a text or an email. These small consistent acts are going to keep the passion burning. It will keep the anticipation up of you both being with one another again. You will wonder, when is the next time I get to see my baby? When is the next time I will be able to hold my baby? By keeping these touching moments consistent throughout the day or throughout the week you both are hot and heavy and ready for sex to occur. But, also just to spend time touching and physically being close with your partner.
The third way to keep the passion burning really, really hot in your relationship is to compliment each other every day. Again, I know we can let life get in the way, but we must be intentional about these things because knowledge is power but applied knowledge is so much better. You are going to get so much more out of your relationship with being intentional. Being intentional is going to make you more conscious and aware of how you are not only showing up but how you are being when your spouse.
What is the conversation like?
Are you having a lot more fun?
Are you touching more?
Being intentional is keeping you more aware. It is bringing your consciousness level to a higher state on purpose and allowing you to gravitate towards being a part of the top 1% of couples that have extraordinary relationships. These couples are very intentional about all of the things they do in their relationship.
Show up intentionally and compliment your spouse daily. Send your compliment in the form of a text, if you forget to do this in person. Leave a little note in the morning before he leaves. Allow him to find it in his lunch box or some place else. Be intentional about showing up and you will definitely keep the passion burning hot in your marriage.
Will your fire ever go out?
Yes, it probably will go out but you can rekindle it really, really fast and you can see that flame spark up without any added effort. If you do a little bit of work each and every day, you will not have to worry about your flames dying down. Just like you gave so much into our career choices, to getting the degrees and to getting whatever it is you want out of life, you have to be the same way with getting what you want out of your relationship and your marriage. The only way to do that is to be intentional. Being intentional means that you have to show up and take the action. The action in this case is having fun. The action is the daily touches. The action is giving the compliment.
Which one will you commit to doing?
It might feel a little awkward in the beginning. It might be a little challenging as well, but I want you to get better in your relationship and better in your marriage. So we can collectively decrease that divorce rate and simultaneously increase the marriage rate.
All the best!
Life & Relationship Strategist