Having our hearts broken seems like one of the toughest things we can experience.
I remember my first heartbreak. I was a 15-years-old girl who had a crush on a very popular boy. He acted as if we were dating. We would talk at all hours in the night. I would even skip school to see him. My heart got crushed when I overheard someone ask him about me. He denied my existence, let alone that we were not a couple. After hearing this raw truthful information, I cried myself to sleep. It was the first time I ever cried so much.
The first heartbreak seems to hurt the most but which heartbreak does not hurt?
How you handle your heartbreak will determine if you are ready to date and be in your next relationship.
Are you really ready to start dating? Are you really ready to get into your next relationship? After the heartbreak, how much work have you done on yourself? Do you really think that if you jump into the next relationship right away all of your past baggage you have been carrying around with you will not surface again? Trust me it will. Just when you think you have stopped hurting and laid that heavy suitcase down, placed it in a corner and covered it up, that you are ready for your next relationship. I am here to tell you, you have not cleaned the wound out and properly cared for it. You have only placed a bandage over the wound. As soon as you get triggered in your next relationship this old baggage will be right there waiting to weigh you down once again.
You have to work on yourself. You cannot think just because it has been years since you have dated that, that junk is no longer there. If you have not been taking the time to understand yourself, if you have not been taking the time to work with someone like me to help you release all of that junk, to really figure out and answer all the why questions then as soon as he does something you have experienced in your previous relationship, you will start to protect yourself and become emotionally detached or even defensive.
This will keep happening relationship after relationship until you answer questions such as, why am I showing up the way that I am? When and why has my critical voice taken over? Why do I feel like I am unlovable? Why do I feel like I am not good enough for this person? Why do I feel scared whenever he leaves out the door? Answering questions like the questions mentioned above, will give you a clearer picture of yourself, your needs and help you to become aware when you get triggered once again.
No matter how long you have been out of a relationship, if you have not done the work and taken a deep dive into your past to understand your current habits and behaviors, then you are not ready for the next relationship. When we get into a relationship never understanding ourselves such as, not having a really good underlying definition of what we are looking for, why we show up the way you do and who you are, then it is not going to matter. Every time you get into a relationship you will run that person away because you are not ready to invest the time, energy and effort because you are stuck in the past.
Ask yourself, am I ready for my next relationship? If you are a person that always shuts down when your feelings get hurt, maybe you cannot take constructive criticism or you would rather seek revenge rather than talk through what happened to hurt your feelings, then you are not ready for a relationship. Couples’ that have extraordinary relationships do not shut down. They face their challenges and they deal with them. They do not sweep unresolved issues under the rug. If you are not ready to face your own relationship difficulties as soon as they occur or after you have calmed down then you are not ready for a relationship. It is a great responsibility to be in a healthy relationship and to be a part of the top 1% of couples that have extraordinary relationships. If you are a person that becomes argumentative about
everything then you are not ready for a relationship. If you cannot listen and take in the things that you are doing wrong, the things that you are doing right, as well as the things you need to continue to work on, all are signs you should not be in a relationship.
Another thing to think about. Do you run away when things get hard? Are you a runner? Whenever something does not go your way or whenever you think this is too hard, it is too much, I cannot deal with this, do you literally turn and walk away? If so, this is showing the level of maturity you have not reached as of yet. I am not here to judge you, I am just here to point out some things that maybe you did not realize you do. If you run away from any type of conflict, instead of facing it head on, as I mentioned, you are not ready for a long-term relationship.
The last thing I want you to think about is, if you no longer believe that love exists or love is for everybody else and you are not on your own list, then you are not ready to be in a relationship nor are you ready to jump in the next relationship. You still have work to do on yourself so you can release all of the stuff that broke your heart, all the people that caused you pain and hurt and those feelings of you not being worthy enough to be loved or good enough for that person who comes around. Some of that stuff came from a romantic relationship. Other pieces of it came from sibling relationships, your parental relationships and other countless relationships throughout your life.
If you need help breaking down your brick wall you have your heart encased in then please reach out to me for some help and tools to break those chains. The longer you allow this to stay in place the longer it will be before you are ready to enjoy the fullness of a beautiful relationship. I am here to help you reach the next level in life. A way to do this is to get out of your own way. While you are getting out of your own way let somebody like me help you with the tools and strategies, so you can be a part of the top 1% of couples that have extraordinary relationships. Invest in yourself, and you will be able to pass this information along and break generational curses. You no longer have to carry the weight around of all the past hurts year after year after year. This is how you love you. This is a way for you to stand up and shout to the world that you are worthy of love, respect and joy. Book your FREE session here.
All the best,
Marshaun Olaniyan
Life & Relationship Strategist