We all get caught up in being critical of our relationship and even our partner’s from time to time, myself included. However, being overly critical constantly will be the demise of your relationship.
I remember a client of mine basically stating how her marriage almost fell apart due to her criticism of her husband. She made him feel as though he could do nothing right from sunrise to sunset. No one needs this type of treatment. Also how could she blame him for being a split hair from walking out the door and never returning?
We need to feel loved, praised, honored and reprimanded from time to time in our relationship, however, not on a daily basis. How can one feel as though this is a healthy environment? How long would you feel loved and protected? I can assure you, not very long.
Below are my top 3 ways to stop being so critical and why it never helps the relationship build for the better.
1. Ask more questions and be intentional about getting to know your partner on a regular basis.
The first way to get rid of your critical behavior is to ask your spouse as many questions as possible so you can continue to get to know him on a deeper level. All of those quirks and idiosyncrasies and all those things that annoy you, can be solved or eliminated from annoying you by asking a ton of questions on a regular basis so you can continuously get to know who is sitting across from you and sleeping in the bed next to you.
Be very inquisitive. Ask a plethora of questions. Stop thinking when you have moved past dating and ventured into the relationship that asking questions and getting to know one another goes away. You have to continue to keep that connection going, maybe the things that you did like to do when you two first met, you hate them now. However, you only have this insight if you are constantly building the relationship, if you are constantly building the connection with your partner and going even deeper past the superficial questions like and asking more in dept questions such as:
What makes you, you?
Why do you act the way they act when you do not get your way?
Why do you react the way you react. “I was wondering why your first response is generally negative?”
Why they show up the way that they do. “Why are you always late even when you have ample time to get ready?”
Why are you such a critical person? “How come you criticize me so much?”
What was your environment like while growing up?
Did you often feel loved as a child?
Were you able to express your feelings freely?
There are a ton of things you can find out by simply asking thought provoking questions to your spouse and being willing to share your own vulnerabilities and the things that make you who you are, as well.
2. Become an admirer of your partner and show appreciation daily.
Become an admirer of your partner become their cheerleader 📣. Show appreciation as much as possible because this lets your partner know
You are still into him.
You actually care about who they are and their well-being.
In this case, you can be appreciative or show appreciation to him once per day such as stating, “Bye baby. Thank you so much for taking out the trash. I really appreciate it.” Or “Thank you so much for washing the dishes.” Another is “Thank you so much for taking care of children.” Whenever you can show appreciation to your spouse, he will absolutely soak it up, take it in and feel like you are trying to love him the way that he needs to be loved.
3. The final way you can break the cycle of being a critical person is to create time to emotionally connect with your partner. Create the time to connect emotionally with your spouse, whether you are doing it on a weekly basis, through setting up some time, whether it’s through a date or you saying “hey we are going meet Sunday at 3pm to talk about us and to check in with one another.” Be intentional about connecting. Also each day when you guys are laying in the bed or on the couch, when the house quiets down and the children have gone to bed, have an end of the day conversation just in general. This builds intimacy and you begin to stop being such a critical person. Your defenses wane and you begin to see your spouse’s heart once again.
Your Way is not the only way Sis! Stop being such a critical person because you are not helping your relationship. None of us have all the answers to everything. Have a bit more grace and mercy.
If you need more help in this area and you are ready to take the next step to creating the love life you’ve always wanted then download my ebook, Reignite Your Relationship by 7X now!
My mission is to decrease the divorce rate while simultaneously increasing the marriage rate one client at a time. Won’t you join me?
All the best,
Marshaun Olaniyan
Life & Relationship Strategist