When you look around in your everyday life, whether you are in a relationship or not, are you a supportive person to your partner, friends and family? What does being supportive mean? It means to give help or assistance or to hold something or someone up. For example, if your partner wanted to become a tattoo artist, you could show your support by paying for his training or by being understanding with his odd working hours.
Ask yourself if you are the person your partner can come to to ask questions?
Below are several ways to determine if you are a supportive partner in your relationship. This list can also help you see the areas you need to work on.
1. Declare you two are a team.
When your partner is your team member, you two are not working against one another. You both should recognize that being on the same team means you two are working together for the good of your family and your future together. Declaring you two are a team allows you both to remember that each step you take and each decision you make should benefit you both. Being on the same team means working towards a common goal.
2. Put your partner first often.
This is where you implement selflessness which is not one sided. Your partner also must put you first because if you are putting your partner first, and they are putting you first guess what, you two cannot help but win. Putting your partner first means making sure that every decision you make benefits not only yourself but also your relationship. Being selfless can seem impossible to do at times but the rewards lead to a long lasting blissful relationship.
3. Pay attention to him in all things, especially the small things.
We constantly think that whenever we are going hard, that it is the big things that matter. Do not get me wrong, the big things matter, but it is really the little things that make you see a future with this person. How is he with the children? Does he visit them often? Does he help with homework? Does he help with the chores? Does he remember your favorite flower or show you love the way you need it? Is he willing to drop what he is doing in order to go that extra mile? When you fall in love with somebody it’s not the big things that make you fall in love with them, it is the small things. It is the everyday things you are doing and that they are doing for you.
4. Offer help frequently.
How often are you offering your help even if it is just a listening ear? How can you help your partner? Have you asked? Sometimes being a great listener is the thing that is helping him out the most because a lot of times, if you just sit back and let him vent, he will end up solving his own issue because he was able to express what he needed to express. So just listen then offer help in any way you can provide. It’s a wonderful feeling to know someone has your back in life.
5. Talk with him about his dreams, goals, and aspirations.
When was the last time you talked with him about his dreams, goals, aspirations, and then asked how
you can help? Maybe you cannot help at all. But maybe you can help more than you know. You just have to ask. This is also where you can offer your unconditional support. After you find out about his goals and dreams then see how you can hold him accountable so he can reach them. Having someone check in on how you are doing keeps you going and it feels good.
6. Check in regularly.
Another thing couples do not do often enough is to check in with their relationship. Check in regularly. This is where you ask your partner about the areas he believes you are doing well in and those areas you need to improve in. This also gives you the blueprint so you do not have to guess about where your partner is not satisfied. The key here is to find your weak areas and to start making them stronger. It does not matter if you have the information if you do nothing with it. So, get the information and then start working on your weaker areas and being making them stronger.
7. Celebrate his wins enthusiastically.
Celebrate your partner’s wins enthusiastically as if the accomplishments were your own. This shows you are supportive, do not have a competition bone in your body between the two of you and you are genuinely happy for his wins. Being able to celebrate his wins helps to strengthen your relationship and shows this is your teammate. Since you two are on the same team you should naturally feel as though the win is for the both of you. If you find yourself feeling a little envious ask yourself what about your partner’s success makes you feel this way? Acknowledge your feelings. If they are negative then you must dig deeper to the root and find out why you feel this way.
Being a part of a supportive relationship requires you both to be aware of how you are currently showing up. This type of relationship will help you both get through the tough times, help you both enjoy the good times and helps you both know that you have a cheerleader in your corner for life. You should be able to not only supply reassurance but you should be able to provide a little push when he needs it as well. He should be able to provide this for you too. Access how supportive you are. If you do not already possess the above ways to be supportive then you must figure out how to add these into your relationship in order to be his go-to listening ear and trusted confidant.
By the way, if you are struggling with being a supportive partner it may be due to you not feeling happy with yourself. In order to get some answers as to why this may be happening, pick up a copy of my book, I’m Not Happy. Why? This journal will help you get to the bottom of why you are not happy and how to work on it.
All the best,
Marshaun Olaniyan
Relationship Strategist