How do you get the relationship of your dreams?
Many people would focus on the material things that money can buy but what if I told you that was wrong?
Research has shown that the more a person is materialistic the more they are found to be dissatisfied in their marriage.
So if gaining the relationship of your dreams does not come from outwardly possessions then where does it come from? It comes from within you. Your inner world has everything to do with how you attract a partner, keep your peace and view the world around you.
In order to create the love life of your dreams there are a few things you need to discard along the way to finding your peace and happiness. Every person who is in their dream relationship has created it. They have given up the notion that they have to be perfect and that their spouse has to be perfect. The two of them know of one another’s flaws and accept them as they are. They both work on becoming the best version of themselves and they make a conscious decision to make their spouse happy by supplying the love each of them need.
Here are seven things you must discard along the way to creating your dream relationship:
1. Throw away the need to be liked
The first thing that you need to get rid of is the need to be liked. You must show up and be your true authentic self. Stop trying to be someone you are not because the people that like you, the people that love you, the people that are going to nurture you, as well as be your cheerleader, those are the people that are going to like you for being yourself. So, throw away the need for being liked by everyone. If you are a people pleaser, please understand that you will never, ever please everybody out there. It is just impossible to do so. Since we cannot show up and please everybody, why not show up and like yourself? Why not show up and just be who you are meant to be in this world? Again, whoever is going to like you will do just that. They will like you without you having to act a certain way or make sure they are happy or what you can do for them. The opposite is true too. Those who are not going to like you will not like you, but that is okay, because you do not want everyone to have access to your inner circle. We want to allow those people into our lives and into our circles that we know have our back and have our best interests at heart.
2. Throw away the need to be loved by everyone
The second thing to throw away is the need to be loved by the people you choose to bring into your life. Again, this is your inner circle I was just mentioning. Sometimes you may feel the need to show up and be somebody different, especially if you want it to be seen, heard, to feel loved, connected, especially if you are not already receiving these things. Sometimes you will have fleeting friendships and romantic relationships and that is okay. The people you want in your life and you want to build relationships with, including romantic relationships, are those people that are cheering for you. These people tell you, “you’ve got this” and are willing to “correct” you when you need correction. You want people around you that are automatically going to just love you, for you, so you do not have to show up and pretend to be somebody that you are not. You also will not have to force this to happen. Loving friendships and relationships blossom over time and are a natural process. Forcing anything will leave you feeling heart broken and betrayed overtime.
3. Throw away the idea that you have to earn God’s love
The third thing you need to throw away is the idea that you have to earn God’s love. Some people think they have to do a lot of things in order to earn God’s love. I am here to tell you, you do not. God just loves you because you are made in His image. Number one, he loves you because he sent his only begotten son. He loves you because all of your sins are already forgiven. You do not have to feel like you have to earn God’s love. He has already given it to you. Now, it is up to you to choose to accept God’s love. It is up to you to ask God for His guidance about the plan He has for your life and walk down that path so your life will be blessed beyond anything you have ever imagined. It is up to you to pray over your relationship in order to gain clarity about the choice you have made in a mate. This is all your choice to make.
4. Throw away the idea that the things you purchase will bring you happiness
The fourth thing I want you to take out of your vocabulary and throw out of your mindset is thinking the things you go out and purchase, meaning the worldly possessions: the houses, the cars, the boats, all of the jewelry, Louis Vuitton and all of these things. . . Throw away the idea that these materialistic things you purchase are going to show you what you are worth and that you are valuable because you have these things because they do not make you valuable. These things, also, do not add to your worth. You have to know you are already a worthy person, whether you have these things or not. So, throw away the idea that the things you go out and accumulate are going to bring you happiness. They are not going to tell you how worthy you are. They will bring you momentary happiness. You have to understand that happiness comes from within. You also have to know you are already worth it and valued, as well.
5. Throw away the fear of you not being accepted
Throw away the fear of you not being accepted because the one person that must accept you before anybody else accepts you, is you. You have to learn to accept yourself before anybody else is going to come in and accept you for you. If you are showing up and being somebody that is inauthentic, people are going to accept you for the person you are showing up to be, not the person you actually are. So, why not throw away the pretend game and just show up and be you? You have to learn to accept all of yourself; everything about you, flaws and all including the things you despise about yourself. You have to learn to accept them all because this is all you get. . . you.
I remember when I was watching an interview with Kevin Hart. All of us know that Kevin Hart is short. He was being interviewed by Oprah and she asked him “how did you learn to exude all of this self-confidence?” He answered “you know what, this is it. This is all that God gave me so why not show up and be who I need to be, who I am meant to be, who God has called me to be”. Instead of trying to be somebody else, he has learned to accept himself and now, everybody loves him. He has accepted himself way before anybody else. When you start to accept yourself, your confidence and self-esteem are going to exude towards others. You will attract your tribe of friends. You will attract your mate by showing up in your confidence and your self-esteem. So, throw away your fear based thoughts that you are not going to be loved and accepted by anybody.
6. Throw away the worry of what people think about you
Throw away the fear of what people will think about you. You are valuable just because you were created. Out of 400 million sperm, you were chosen. Everything about you is special but you have to believe it before anybody else will believe it about you. You have to show up, stand in your confidence and know that you are valuable long before anybody else is going to accept this fact. You have to know it. You have to believe it. You stand in it as if your life depended on it because it does. People are out here killing themselves. Life is very short. Throw away all of these ideas about you not being good enough and what people think of you. The truth is people will find something to talk about whether you are the happiest person on earth or the angriest. Make it a point to live your life the best way you know how and make every moment count. Love yourself. Do you no matter what. Throw away the worry about what people think about you because the most important opinion about you is your opinion about what you think about you.
7. Throw away the Fear of the future
You must throw away the fear of the future because none of us know what the future holds. So, why do so many people get wrapped up in thinking about the future? How about you remain present right now and what’s going on and deal with the things that are coming to you right now. You have the power to create your future. This is based off of the decisions you make today. If you want a life and romantic relationship to be awe inspiring then take small steps everyday to move your life in that direction.
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All the best,
Marshaun Olaniyan
Relationship Strategist