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Embracing Self-love: A Journey Before the Journey of Loving Your Spouse

As a Shift Relationship Strategist for Black women, I often see a common theme: the struggle to fully love one’s spouse due to a lack of self-love. Sis, it is essential to understand that true love for another blossoms from a place of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-understanding. 

Many years ago I was in the same situation. I did not believe I deserved a beautiful love story. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be someone’s muse. I wanted the fairy tale life I read about and watched in romantic comedies and Disney films. I wanted to be swept off my feet and have him fight for me after big blow-ups.  Little did I know at the time, I could experience love for myself! The secret was, I HAD THE POWER ALL ALONG! It’s not how others see me or you. It’s how you see you, sis! 

   Here are seven steps I came up with and created to cultivate self-love, laying the groundwork for a deeper and healthier relationship with your spouse.


  1. Understand Your Worth:You are a unique and valuable individual. Realizing this is the first step towards self-love. Recognize that your value is not determined by other people’s opinions or society’s standards. You are inherently worthy.


  1. Practice Self-Care: Incorporate regular self-care practices into your routine. These could include anything from exercising, meditating, cooking a favorite meal, or reading a good book. Nurturing your physical and mental health is a significant part of self-love.


  1. Set Boundaries: It’s crucial to set personal boundaries to safeguard your emotional and mental health. This can mean saying no to tasks that overburden you or distancing yourself from toxic relationships. Establishing clear boundaries signal self-respect and can strengthen your relationship with your spouse as they learn to appreciate your individuality and respect your needs.


  1. Forgive Yourself: No one is perfect my dear sistah; we all make mistakes. What’s important is to learn from them and forgive yourself. Holding on to guilt and regret only stifles your growth and happiness, keeping you stuck in the same place for years. 


  1. Pursue Your Passions: Engaging in activities you love can boost your self-esteem and help you know yourself better. This self-knowledge is essential to self-love and can enable you to bring your whole, authentic self into your relationship.
  1. Affirm Yourself: Positive affirmations are a powerful tool. The language we use to talk about ourselves shapes our perception of who we are. Use affirmations to cultivate a positive and loving relationship with yourself, which also helps to alleviate that critical negative voice within our heads.
  1. Seek Support When Needed: It’s okay to seek help when things get tough sis. This can mean confiding in a trusted friend, a family member, or seeking professional help. This doesn’t make you weak; in fact, it shows your strength and determination in pursuing a healthier, happier you.

By undertaking this journey of self-love, you equip yourself with the ability to engage in a fulfilling, balanced, and loving relationship with your spouse. When you know and love yourself deeply, you can truly understand and love your spouse in the same profound, accepting, and unconditional way.

Practicing self-love is something that nearly everyone struggles with at some point in their life. Ideally, you’ll want to learn about self-love before actually embarking on a serious relationship. One of the best ways to ensure you are focusing on how to love yourself is by putting tips like these into practice. As a shift relationship strategist, I am experienced in things such as self-love, and I can effectively support you on your journey. Schedule your coaching conversation today >>>



Start on your journey to embracing self-love. Invest in yourself sis– you matter.

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