Hey family! Marshaun Olaniyan here, your favorite Life and Relationship Strategist. You keep coming back to Marshaun O because you want to be a part of the top 1% of couples that have extraordinary relationships.
Don’t you wish your man could read your mind when it comes to the things you want from him and out of your relationship?
This is why he may want to go for a drive after a long talk or remain silent or go hang with the boys. This is also why he hates to hear the phrase Let’s Talk.
There are 3 reasons why men hate to hear, let’s talk. The first thing he is going to do is get very defensive because he is wondering what he did wrong, how he failed you or how he let you down. No man wants to think about how he failed his woman or how he let you down. So he is going to get very defensive. He hates hearing the words let’s talk. He hates it. I mean he hates it with a strong passion and starts to go down the list of questions,
What did I do wrong?
How did I fail her now?
What else is it?
He thinks about all of those things. So it is his defense mechanism that is popping up in this very moment.
The second reason why men hate to hear the phrase let’s talk is because he is wondering how long will the talk be? He knows you are going to tell him all the stuff he messed up or did wrong. He does not want to deal with this today or any day. He has enough on his plate and this is just another thing he has to think about. Again, going back to, how did I not be the man that I said I was going to be? Not only is the talk going to be long he is also thinking about his failures.
Not only is he becoming defensive, a lot of times he will avoid the conversation, just so the talk could be over or go into attack mode. Instead of him taking responsibility for whatever it is that you need to talk to him about, he’s like, you know what? I did that because you did . . . or you always do that too or why is it only me? Instead of him just listening, taking in what you have to tell him, he is now attacking you or just shutting down and avoiding everything altogether.
A way for all of this not to occur, ladies, is for you to never use the phrase, let’s talk. You see, I learned a long time ago and from my personal experience as well as listening to other successful women never use this phrase. Which is, the secret ladies. It is not to ever have the talks that you want to have, you just never say, let’s talk. You never give him a chance to actually think about all of the junk. When you go speak to him, you just talk about the things you want to address. So that defensiveness never occurs because it is just conversation.
Him feeling like a failure never occurs because it is just a conversation. Him being defensive, that can occur but that depends on how you address the topic, how you address him. Are you going to blame? Are you going in criticizing or are you just trying to get an understanding? The best way to have the talk is to never say let’s talk. The best time to have the talks is to wait until you see that he is in a happier mood where he is literally laughing and joking, trying to tell you some jokes or playing around with you. This is the perfect time that you can say, ‘you know what I was thinking, then go into the problem. I was watching a movie. . ., I read a book. . .
You can get the thing that you have been thinking about off your chest. Now, he will try to solve your problem because men are fixers. Think about this, whenever you go to your husband, your spouse, your partner, and say, I am having such a hard time at work with X or with my boss and he might give you a solution. That is what happens. Now, he is going into solution mode.
I hope that this has helped you. How many of you are going to implement it into your relationship?
If you need any further help visit my website at www.marshauno.com or book your FREE Life Changing Coaching Session with me by visiting my calendly link.
All the best!
Marshaun Olaniyan
Life & Relationship Strategist
Good article! And I totally agree that the approach to a needed conversation makes a huge difference!
I’d love to hear your perspective on how to approach him about a needed conversation in a situation where a couple has been in a long-term pattern of disconnect and unhappiness, and there aren’t moments of him being in a happier mood or being playful.
As a ‘should I stay or should I go?’ relationship coach, I’ve worked with many women for whom this level of disconnect is not uncommon, but conversations still need to happen in order to move forward with a healthy plan…even if the decision is to end the relationship. Would love to hear a male perspective on this. Thanks!